update: after hearing that the qr code didn’t scan properly on all phones, I made a black and white version that should be easier to scan!  second update: most people are reporting that it works with certain QR code readers (presumably those with better error correction)

I made a QR code out of wine corks.  I painstakingly placed the 25×25 grid (and then added a frame) so that the QR code uses over 625 corks.  Each of them placed by hand wine side up or wine side down to represent the black or white of the QR code.  Yes, pruning is so boring that I’d rather sit in and play an overly complicated game of wine cork dominos.  🙂

What is this?  Why did I make a qr code out of wine corks?

A QR Code is like a two dimensional bar code.  Most smartphones have applications that can scan these and interpret the data.  Frequently, as in the case of this QR code, it will be a link to a website.  In this case, it links you to the website where iPhone users can download an app called Wine Demon.

Normally QR codes look sort of boring.  This is the original QR code that I decided to replicate:  

I’ve been working on doing artistic designs and patterns with corks for a while and this seemed like a perfect application for it.

Why link to Wine Demon?

I thought about making a QR code that linked to this very website or my other blog, Love That Languedoc, but on a whim I decided to link to Wine Demon.  Actually, I’ve been meaning to announce some big news on the blog.  I’m taking a sabbatical from O’Vineyards to continue my wine education  and hunt out new business opportunities in California.  This is a surprising move and a lot of people are harrassing me for details, but I cannot say yet.  However, this QR code is a small hint.

That said, even if I had second thoughts about what to link to… it took me two hours to line up the 600+ corks and I don’t feel like redoing it any time soon. 🙂

Attribution – Creative Commons – Share alike

Please please please share this image and this idea with all of your friends.  But please also mention me.  If you use this particular QR code or if you decide to make your own QR code out of wine corks, I would greatly appreciate a small attribution for the concept.  Just link to ovineyards.com and you will make my day. 🙂

Making the wine cork QR code

Basically, this QR code is a 25×25 grid where each square is either white or black.  I drew out the grid on paper and then used a single cork for each square in the grid.

It turns out that the squares in the corners are the most important part.  When a smart phone scans those corners successfully, it knows it’s looking at a QR code and then it can make a lot of assumptions to correct for errors.  But if it doesn’t get those corner squares, then it won’t know to run the error-correcting calculations.  So make sure the squares are perfect.  Also, I ended up putting a frame of white corks around the whole thing, mostly to make the squares stand out more for the phone reader.  This made a big difference and I recommend it to anybody trying to replicate this project.

Here are some photos of the process.

 

If you’re a normal person who is just looking for a fun wine blog to read, run away from this crazy dirt-drinking wino.  Or maybe think about pretending to be a wine expert.

Yesterday, I posted my thoughts about a confounding Vitisphere editorial that argues about the downside of digital communications.  What ensues is the obligatory publication of the author’s response to the responses to his response.

Remondat’s words that apply to yesterday’s blog post

Michel Remondat, the author of the editorial piece that sparked it all, has offered a few explanations on Vincent Pousson’s facebook photo.  Just scroll down through the 100+ comments (bless you, facebookers).  If you can’t be bothered to scroll down all those comments or if Vincent’s facebook photos don’t load for you, just scroll to the bottom of this post for the full text of Michel Remondat’s message.

I guess the important parts concerning what I wrote are:

– Un édito en 10 ou 15 lignes est forcément réducteur. Je regrette d’avoir offensé tes amis. Chaque semaine, Vitisphere essaie d’attirer l’attention des professionnels du vin sur un point, qui pèse ou pourrait peser, changer l’évolution de l’économie du vin…

and then later

C’est un produit commercial avec des contraintes techniques, œnologiques, de marketing et il faut de la formation, de l’apprentissage, de l’expérience pour l’évaluer.  Pour ceux qui croient à l’avis des consommateurs donné sur Internet. C’est vrai ça fonctionne pour l’hôtellerie, pas sûr que ça fonctionne pour le vin !

– Enfin, si j’ai parlé de « certifier les certificateurs », c’est parce que j’ai pensé aux agences de notation et leur AAA. C’était un peu osé et ironique ! – Pour finir : Depuis deux ou trois ans, les attachés de presse des salons de vins se flattent d’organiser un « autobus de bloggeurs ». Autobus et bloggeurs, vous ne trouvez pas ça choquant. C’était le point de départ de l’édito !

So rough translation:

“a 15 line editorial is by nature over-simplifying.  I regret having upset any of Vincent’s friends.  Each week, vitisphere tries to draw the wine trade’s attention to a topic that is relevant or may become relevant, to change the evolution of the wine economy…

“Wine is a commercial product enmeshed with technical constraints, oenological constraints, and marketing constraints, and you need training and experience to be able to evaluate it.   For those who believe in consumer opinons being published online, it’s true that it works for the hotel business, but I’m not sure that it will work for wine!

“Finally, when I mentioned “certifying the certifiers”, it was because I was inspired by the ratings agencies and their AAA system.  It was a bit much and said with a degree of irony!  To finish, for two or three years, press agencies of wine salons have taken it upon themselves to organize blogger buses.  Buses and blogs, you don’t find that shocking?  That was the starting point of the editorial.”

 Conclusion:

wtf?

I probably shouldn’t post this at all

After all, this sort of hyper-nerdy conversation about the ethics of wine criticism or the qualifications of wine drinkers to talk about wines online does almost nothing but scare away the usual visitors to my blog.

But at the same time, Michel has posted a response and it just makes sense to republish it here so that people who read my blog but don’t religiously follow facebook photo comments might also see his response.  And maybe it will make more sense to you than it did to me.  You know… blogger buses.

Here’s the full text:

Bonjour Vincent
Merci de m’avoir invité hier soir. Je suis rentré tard. Il n’y a pas que le vin et le Web dans la vie ! Difficile de répondre à tous ces mots et à toutes ces phrases. Ceci n’est pas une réponse, car je respecte trop les opinions de chacun. Juste quelques explications :
– Je m’intéresse depuis longtemps au vin, plutôt aux vins, mais ce que j’apprécie le plus ce sont les gens du vin.
– Un édito en 10 ou 15 lignes est forcément réducteur. Je regrette d’avoir offensé tes amis. Chaque semaine, Vitisphere essaie d’attirer l’attention des professionnels du vin sur un point, qui pèse ou pourrait peser, changer l’évolution de l’économie du vin. Je défends l’idée que les éditos ne soient pas signés car je préfère le nous au je.
– Le vin est aussi et surtout une activité économique, créatrice de valeurs. C’est précieux. Vitisphere a démarré il y a plus de 10 ans. Nous avons créé 12 emplois, sans subventions, grâce seulement aux efforts de l’équipe. Nous sommes très attentifs à ces notions d’économie, d’indépendance.
– A propos de « journalistes et bloggeurs ». Je ne suis pas journaliste, mais comme tout le monde, je constate les difficultés de la presse du vin. Il serait dommage que ce métier disparaisse. Vitisphere est du côté du numérique, et nous savons très bien qu’il y a du talent, de l’avenir et même de la modestie chez les bloggeurs.
Le vin n’est pas une œuvre d’art (même si certains défendent cette idée) dont la valeur serait corrélée à la force de la critique. C’est un produit qui permet aux vignerons, aux négociants de « gagner leur vie ». C’est un produit commercial avec des contraintes techniques, œnologiques, de marketing et il faut de la formation, de l’apprentissage, de l’expérience pour l’évaluer.
Pour ceux qui croient à l’avis des consommateurs donné sur Internet. C’est vrai ça fonctionne pour l’hôtellerie, pas sûr que ça fonctionne pour le vin !
– Enfin, si j’ai parlé de « certifier les certificateurs », c’est parce que j’ai pensé aux agences de notation et leur AAA. C’était un peu osé et ironique !
– Pour finir : Depuis deux ou trois ans, les attachés de presse des salons de vins se flattent d’organiser un « autobus de bloggeurs ». Autobus et bloggeurs, vous ne trouvez pas ça choquant. C’était le point de départ de l’édito !
Michel REMONDAT

This is a post in response to an editorial in Vitisphere.  The author has since responded here.

I was a little shocked when reading the editorial on the most recent Vitisphere which concludes with the following:

“Enfin, il faudra accepter une certification des acteurs de la critique, de la notation, par une Autorité, sinon les technologies du numérique pourraient imposer la dictature d’une démocratie virtuelle. “

Roughly translated: Finally, we must accept a certification process for agents of criticism, of scoring, by some Authority, otherwise digital technology could impose a virtual tyranny of the masses.

The Tyranny of the Masses?

My natural instinct is to say that this is ridiculous.  Ultimately, consumers know what they enjoy and they are the best people possible to decide what to buy.  But let’s give the editor a chance.  What are the potential downsides of a world without authoritative wine criticism?  And what are the downsides of a “dictature d’une democratie virtuelle”?

I suppose there is a risk that we create a world where winemakers try to make bland and inoffensive wines that nobody hates (but nobody loves either).  As I’ve discussed before, I wouldn’t want that.  And it’s not an unrealistic proposition.  Vast volumes of wine are already made this way.

Music that goes on the radio is often chosen in a similar fashion where the single release is rarely the best song on the album.  It’s frequently just the least offensive song that is still a little catchy (but not too catchy!).  There are stories about this where people organize a test group to listen to a CD and they intentionally pick the song with the most average score instead of the song that some people love and some people hate.

And when you see projects like Design A Sam Adams Beer, you see that some beverages are literally being ruled by a virtual democracy.  And it is sort of preposterous.

But then the editorial sort of pines for the good old days when everybody’s pockets were full of francs and everybody’s glasses full of delicious wine.  At one point, it feels like he’s even blaming the decrease in wine consumption on the absence of an authoritative voice in wine criticism:

“Et au 3ème et dernier acte, disparition de l’art de la critique du vin… Perdu par la multiplicité des références, des origines, des prix, le consommateur perd confiance et se protège en réduisant ses achats de vins !”

Roughly translated: in the 3rd act, the disappearance of the art of wine criticism… lost in a sea of choices, of denominations, of prices, the consumer loses confidence and protects himself by buying less wine!

This seems like a pretty zany argument.  The reason people drink less wine in France is because they have less confidence in their ability to pick a good wine?  I’m doubtful.  It seems more likely that consumption is dropping because people are afraid to get a PV (moving violation) for drink driving.  Or because mixed drinks are more fashionable than a glass of wine at most night clubs.  Or even because there are more choices of what to drink today than there were 20 years ago.  The point is there is no reason to think that dropping wine consumption rates in France are a result of lack of confidence in wine buyers.

And what’s more, I don’t think the rise of blogs and the downfall of authoritative wine criticism do anything to undermine consumer confidence.  If anything, the notion that everybody can publish an opinion online should give confidence to consumers.  Whereas consumers would be intimidated in a world full of famous wine critics that they haven’t had time to read, they should be liberated in a world where the only thing that matters is what you and your friends think when you open the bottle tonight.

Anyway, I’m puzzled by the logic.

My experience with egalitarian publishing

One of the best things that ever happened to me was the customer interface on Naked Wines.  Customers who drink my wine can leave a review on the web site.  It’s as simple as that.  The majority of them don’t consider themselves bloggers or gurus or experts.  They just review wines.  And most of them simply say Yes or No to the question “Would you buy this wine again.”  And then some of them write in detailed comments.

I used to think that I would never let a critic influence my winemaking style.  But once the clients became critics… I changed my tune.  When thousands of people are tasting my wines and hundreds are leaving detailed comments, I’m actually very keen to hear what they have to say.  Obviously, I still make wines based on my own inclinations.  But I’ll take it into account that two hundred people were happy with the 2009 Trah Lah Lah that was a little less tannic than the 08.  It gives me confidence in the future to make a blend that’s a little less harsh.

Obviously, I shouldn’t make a bland and inoffensive wine just to appeal to everybody.  But at the same time, there’s nothing wrong with taking the pulse of the people who are actually drinking your wine.  And I’m glad that these people can share their own opinions, independent of what “recognized” wine authorities have to say.

Who gives authority to the authority?

And the last logical flaw in this editorial is about who gives power to the “Authority” that certifies critics.

“Pour éviter le drame, journalistes et éditeurs, du papier ou du numérique, devraient se réunir pour redonner un sens au journalisme du vin, redéfinir l’art de la critique.”

Roughly translated: To avoid tragedy, journalists and editors, be they paper or digital, should unite to bring back some meaning to wine journalism, redefine the art of criticism

If all wine writers get together to agree on who should write about wine (and how we should write about wine), doesn’t that include all the bloggers and social media voices that the author is denigrating in the rest of the editorial?

And why do we even need to redefine the art of criticism?  Will that actually help consumers enjoy wine more?  Or increase their confidence about picking a bottle at the restaurant?  Personally, if I were a normal consumer, the idea that there are certified wine specialists whose opinions matter more than mine would terrify me far more than the notion that everybody has different opinions and you just like what you like and you shouldn’t feel guilty for not reading all of the “expert” opinions that have been published before picking a bottle and enjoying it.

No, I’m fairly confident in the tyranny of the majority.  I like this brave new world we live in.

This post is part of my guide to ViniSud 2012.  It is specifically about my vineyard’s activities at Vinisud. If you’re looking for a list of all the winemakers at Vinisud, consult the official list on the vinisud website.

If you’re in Montpellier on February 20-22, there are many ways to interact with O’Vineyards while we attend Vinisud.

O’Vineyards official stand

Cité de Carcassonne – Hall 1, Allée B, Stand 21

We have a space in the Cité de Carcassonne space in Hall 1, Allée B, Stand 21. When you come into the conference through the main entrance, go straight forward and Hall 1 is the first building you’ll pass through. We’re one of the first stands you’ll see and we encourage you to start or end your day with my parents who will be at the stand. If you want to taste the wines with me (Ryan) then you should email me or tweet me ahead of time so that I can make sure I’m at the stand to meet you. But my parents are really awesome and you’ll enjoy meeting them too! 🙂

Mardi Gras OFF event

Aeroport Hotel  (google maps link)
34130 Maugio, Montpellier
Tuesday Feb 21
from 11:00 to 20:00.
Hors d’oeuvres offered.
contact anytime for more info: 33(0)6 30 18 99 10

We’re also participating in an intriguing off event in a private conference room in the aeroport hotel.  This is really really close to the airport so it’s very convenient for those of you coming from far away.  And there are regular shuttles from Vinisud to the airport, so it’s easy to get to from Vinisud.  It’s a laidback group that offers a more relaxed atmosphere than Vinisud (which can be very business oriented and sort of rushed with all the appointments you have to make).  Come by for some excellent wines from all over France and a bite to eat.  The uniting principle of this group is that most of the members have worked closely with Pierre Gaillard at some point in their careers, although a few of us (like O’Vineyards) are more friends of friends.  Anyway, it goes until 8PM so you can come by after the salon and meet some great winemakers who understand the value of a soft sell.  This is a room full of unique and interesting wines that will charm you without an onslaught of export figures and volume commitments.

The Web Pavillion

Pavilion 2.0

This year, Vinisud has an area devoted to the web.  Presumably, it will have wifi access.  And there will be several presentations devoted to the Internet’s effect on the wine business and the mediterranean.  They’ve invited several bloggers and online wine communicators so it should be a fun area.  It’s also relatively anglophone so brace yourself for that.

I will be here for a large portion of the fair since they picked me to represent France this year.  I also have a couple of my short talks scheduled in this space over the length of the fair.

Outsiders: A left field tasting

Monday February 20th, 16h
and Tuesday February 21st, 10h

We’re doing this presentation twice.  The first ten minutes (when I talk) will likely be similar.  I want to introduce the notion that the Internet allows us to communicate about wine in a variety of ways that conventional print media does not permit.  And then we’ll encourage you to taste several wines made by the outsiders and try to pair them with photos, sound, video and so on instead of boring old tasting notes.

Wine communication on a tiny budget

Date to be determined

A joint presentation with Charles Perez from Mas Becha, me, and maybe some others.  Still ironing this out.  We’ll basically show examples of massively successful communication efforts realized on miniscule budgets.  A must see for bootstrappers everywhere.

Every day in January gets a new Trah Lah Lah song… which it turns out is a lot of songs.  THIRTY-ONE of them.  Today’s song brings us to the realm of kid music.  A french version of the Big Bad Wolf who brings down some Tra la la on the three little pigs.

 

This article compares research findings about wine tourism in Champagne and the Languedoc.  If you’re looking for a vineyard to visit in Champagne, I suggest Tarlant who organized my entire trip there.  If you’re looking for a vineyard to visit in the Languedoc, I suggest mine because I want to meet you. 😀

While I visited Champagne last weekend, the Reims Management School was hosting a Fête de la Recherche (and it always sounded like they were telling me to do research “Faites de la recherche!”).  One of the first research projects they presented was a study of wine tourism in the region.  Keenly aware of my interest in oenotourism, my host Melanie Tarlant signed me up to attend.

Steve Charters, Aurélien Rouquet, and S. Jolly from the RMS presented two studies.  One surveyed 28 producteurs recoltants about their thoughts on offering oenotourisme in an effort to determine what was being done already and what people would be willing to do.  The other study focused on surveying tourists who actively participated in oenotouristic activities.

I’ve asked the RMS to send me a bit of detail about the studies as methodology seems of vital importance on this issue.  But in the meanwhile, I can already talk a bit about the big points they brought up.

Quick ideas that I found interesting:

• The majority of Champagne is sold domestically
• Champagne producers that export successfully are less likely to be interested in tourism
• Champagne producers farther to the south are more likely to be interested in tourism
• Some producers fear they might have more to lose than to gain
• Many wineries value product tasting more than overall experience

Some disorganized personal conclusions on my part:

Champagne’s touristic activity isn’t as developed as I would have thought.  There’s a lot of cool visits to do, but tourism is largely dominated by the negociant houses especially close to Reims.

If it already sells, why do tourism?

Personally, I love the touristic side of the vineyard.  It’s fun to meet consumers.  And I think it adds value to the wine as people learn about where wine comes from and develop a closer relationship with their producers.

But most businesses are going to look at the short term and ask how much money do I make and how much do I spend developing wine tourism?

So it makes sense that wine producers who already sell their wine successfully at high prices tend to lack the motivation to look into tourism.  This turns out to be a bit ironic since the ones who sell their bubbly most easily tend to be located closer to cities and villages with high touristic appeal.  For example, many of the more notorious growers are often located closer to Reims and Epernay which receive more tourists.

Similarly, I’d expect wine producers around Hautvillers to lack motivation to explore oenotourisme, because Hautvillers already has so many tourists.  The village houses the Abbey where Dom Perignon made the first Champagne blends and so there’s a steady flow of traffic consuming local wines at the bars, restaurants, and cafes.  So strangely, they don’t need to do tours.  Tourists will go and drink their wine after doing a tour of the abbey.  Or at least that’s the impression I got.

It’s pretty fair to generalize and say that growers located in the south (farther from Reims and often more dependent on Pinot) have to fight a little harder to sell their Champagne, and that might explain their motivation to explore wine tourism.   Even though they’re farther from the cities that draw the most tourists, they’re willing to fight for it because they need to find innovative ways for people to discover their wines.

Still a lot of improvements to be made

The study found that growers tended to be split into three groups, with some very skeptical producers, some that saw potential, and some who were already eagerly advancing their touristic activity.

Charters specifically cited Champagne Charlier as a leading light in the field of vineyard and winery tours.  That said, the online presentation of their offer looks roughly equivalent to my own vineyard’s (if a little less developed, dare I say).  And I’ve only been at this for a bit over a year.  So there’s still a lot to be done up there.

Should tourism be controlled as closely as production

However, after getting a feel for Champagne’s dual interprofessions (the negociants and growers have separate interprofessional groups), I imagine you can’t make tooo many waves.  Growers expressed a general concern about the overall quality of tours preserving the luxury/prestige image of the Champagne region.  And this makes sense.

Consumers think very highly of Champagne already.  A poorly executed visit could lower a consumer’s image of the region very easily.  Should oenotouristic activity for a carefully protected denomination/brand like Champagne be controlled as closely as the production?  A very good question.  While I would find it laughable for the Cabardes ODG to interfere in the way I run my business, I sort of understand if some Champagne growers think tourism should be developed with certain minimum standards in their region.

But denominations are often promoted as a way to define terroir.  It’s all about the product.  This notion I’m expressing exposes the political notion of denominations like the AOPs which I’d argue are created to protect growers and help them promote their wines as a group.   The beautiful language about terroir goes hand in hand with the political elements.  But the political elements are primary (in my mind).  So even though tourism doesn’t strictly affect the quality of the wine being produced or how representative it is of the terroir, there is an argument for setting minimum reception standards.  But where do we draw a line and say no more bureaucracy past this point?  Hmmmm…

How it applies to the Languedoc

First of all, I think it’s really encouraging that the Languedoc isn’t sooo far behind in this realm.  French wine tourism, on the whole, is still not as good as it should be.  The Languedoc still has a chance to actually surge ahead of almost every other wine region.  We’re still in this!

Additionally, we probably don’t have the same handicap of high tourism areas already selling their wines well.  A lot of beach tourism doesn’t really come to the region for big red wines (partially explaining the shift to rosés at vineyards nearer the coast).  Also, areas with great tourism like Carcassonne and Limoux are not yet world-renowned so we have a vested interest in greeting people well and changing their perception of our wines.  As a result, we really have no excuse!

Furthermore, I think negociants in the Languedoc region could take a much more active role in tourism.  As seen in Champagne, well-executed tourism increases the perceived value of the product (even when the perceived value is already high).  Negociants are perfectly situated to reap the rewards of this kind of activity and don’t face the same sort of constraints as producers/growers.  It’s interesting to see the dynamic between cooperatives and negociants, a subject that I’ll speak about more later, affects tourism as much as it affects production.

 

 

When I was little, I had a huge crush on Shirley Temple so she’s going to help you sing Tra la la today.

I’m crushed that I can’t embed this video. But just follow this link to the closing musical number in the 1940 movie Young People. Sing a little tra la la with Shirley Temple, Jack Oakie, and Charlotte Greenwood as the Ballantine family.  The audience sing along chorus harmonies at 5:23 are one of those gloriously 1940 era movie moments.

When things go wrong, it’s just the song to chase your cares away. a-Way. Ay-way.
Tra la la la what a merry world we live in.

Enjoy a little Trah Lah Lah wine with this one.

I’m spending a bit of time touring Champagne this weekend. But that doesn’t mean we can’t sing Tra la la like every other day in January.

Here’s a song from Die Fieldermaus perfomed by the Royal Opera

Sometimes referred to as the Champagne Song, this piece is about that king of drinks that made people sing Tra la la and think they could fly like bats by jumping off buildings. It’s a really weird opera. Anyway, you can pop a bottle of bubbly or a trah lah lah and sing along.

Today, we’re drinking trah lah lah with soul. Yesterday’s tra la la song was very funky and you can’t just switch gears from funk to something totally different.  So dialing it back a little with the less (but still quite) funky Tra la la la by Ike and Tina Turner.

Sometimes, it seems like all winemakers have the exact same pitch when talking about their winemaking.  I get to read a lot of winemaker biographies and property descriptions, and they just say the same things over and over and it starts sounding a like its own language: wine bollocks.  Even my own winemaker statement on this website has significant bits of winespeak in it.   How do you describe your vines or terroir without sounding like everybody else?  How do you talk about your winemaking philosophy without the word passion?

Anyway, these serious questions aside, I decided to have some fun with the archetypal winemaker statements.  Since most winemakers generally make the exact same claims about their vineyards, I thought I’d summarize the rules for making a generic, forgettable winemaker bio.

How to write a generic, forgettable winemaker biography

Here are a few rules to follow if you want to sound like every other winemaker who has ever described his or her vineyard/winery.

Rule #1 – Use the word “passion” repeatedly

This is simple.  You have to use the word passion or passionate at least once. Talking about your passion ensures the reader that you are in fact passionate because, after all, you said so.

example:  Pierre’s wines reflect his passion about the land.

If you fail to talk about passion, everybody will assume you do not care about your job.  Conversely, if you use the word more than once or include synonymous concepts like authenticity, this will promote the notion that you are a highly engaged and loving winemaker.

example: Pierre is passionate that his wines should be an accurate and authentic reflection of the land.

Rule #2 – Your terroir is unique

Defend the uniqueness and rarity of your vineyard’s geographical position.

example: Pierre’s vineyard is unique in the world.

Using government denominations is very popular, especially if they are obscure and unpronouncable.

example: Pierre’s vineyard is in the AOP Coteaux de Malbaraient, the tiniest and most unique appellation in the world.

Rejecting government denomitaions shows that you are really cool because your land is good enough to use the appellation but you deem that the system is beneath you in some way.

example: Pierre’s vineyard is in the AOP Coteaux de Malbaraient, the tiniest and most unique appellation in the world, but he labels his wine as a simple Vin de Pays because he doesn’t care for the pretense and archaic bureaucracy of his denomination.

edit: contribution by Michael Cox from Wines of Chile – You may want to show people that you were the only person who dared to plant vines where you are.  This can be done simply enough by making generalizations about the locals.

example: When Pierre first planted his vines in this area, the locals all said he was mad.

If you’ve picked a place that is truly unique and rare, it is likely obscure.  You may want to inform people as to where your vineyard actually is.

example: Pierre’s vineyard is in the AOP Coteaux de Malbaraient, a small sliver of land in the south of France.

Using rich language can conjure up a specific image in the reader’s mind despite the fact that they have no idea where your vineyard is located geographically.  Again, don’t underestimate the impressiveness or appeal of unpronouncable proper nouns.

example: Pierre toils in his century-old Grenache vines perched atop the rocky, south-facing slope of the sun-drenched Plateau du Saux-Manues.

Often, a winemaker will choose to describe the location of the vineyard by placing it between two other objects (eg mountain ranges, sea fronts, climatic influences, etc.)

example: Pierre’s century-old Grenache benefits from its unique location on a high south-facing ridge between the foothills of the Pyrenees to the southwest and the sun-drenched Mediterranean coastline to the  northeast.  This unique dual influence brings balance and equilibrium to his wines.

Rule # 3 – People care how long you’ve been making wine

If your family has been making wine for at least two generations, you should find the most impressive way possible to convey the span of time your family has been making wine.  This is true even if you’re just a nobleman who inherited a vineyard and you’ve barely met the people who tend your vines and make your wine.  It might be especially true in that case.

example:  Pierre’s family have been making wine for fourteen generations, showing a steadfast passion for the land.

If you haven’t been making wine for very long, emphasize your belief in a balance between old world wisdom and new technology.   Characterize yourself as a fresh perspective in an old profession.  This can be an excellent place to reuse the word passion.

example:  Peter developed a passion for wine while watching the movie Sideways after which he left his job as a stock broker and bought a vineyard.  He deeply respects the customs and traditions of the previous owner of his vines, and tries to use new techniques and a cutting edge winery to make the most authentic wines possible.

This might also be the time to name drop a famous oenologist or winemaker who you work with at the winery.

example: Peter fell in love with this vineyard shortly after watching Sideways.  When consulting oenologist Marcel Dutramplon first saw the property, he said “There is no reason we cannot make great wine on this old and proven terroir.”

If this particular vineyard or project is new, but you have a pedigree in the wine business, you can actually use all of the previous techniques.

example:   After 7 years of indentured servitude, Pierre has earned his freedom.  His passion has driven him to strike out on his own in a daring new project where he will finally have the freedom to make his own wines with the help of renowned consulting oenologist Marcel Dutramplon.

Rule #4- Do You Parlez Franglais?

Turn off spell check!  A few well-chosen errors make it seem like you’ve written about your vineyard in French and translated it to English.  This allows the reader to imagine that a French wine expert has written about you and that the English language is just insufficient to fully describe your quality.  Awkward word choices and mistranslated cognates remind the reader that you are an authentic French winemaker.  Opaque translations of idiomatic phrases are your friend, and don’t be afraid to occasionally make up words.

exemple: The reencounter of these dual influences results in the harmonious equilibrium between the minerality and the research of power, an authentic character that Pierre looks for with a great passion to make the first wines in this old region.

Rule #5 – It’s never called dirt

If you choose to talk about the land, use technical geological terms that most people won’t understand.  When speaking about dirt, never refer to it as dirt.

example: The land around the vines is composed of very stony, calcareous topsoil on top of deep marl beds.

Similarly, all climatic influences should be made more important-sounding.  Use of foreign words, proper noun naming, and highly technical language can help in this field.

example: While the Vent Serraphin creates a uniquely stressed pluviometry, the vines extend their root systems deep underground to tap into the soil’s winter reserves.

Rule #6 – Other helpful words

Most of the following words and phrases should also appear throughout the wine producer info:

• complexity
• authenticity
• terroir
• quality
• philosophy
• balance
• equilibrium
• distinction
• south-facing slopes (if applicable)
• respect for nature
• harmonious
• elegance
• freshness
• refinement
• minerality (n.b. this word is trending today, but may soon be replaced with “tension”)
• signature
• savoir faire
• award-winning
• gold medal

Edit inspired/contributed by Ron from nocookiecutterwines.com :

Rule #7 – Mention the exact size of your vineyard

If you are big, brag about the epic scope of your endeavor.

example: Etienne de Tarantantan took over his grandfather’s small parcel of vines in the 1970s and his passion for wine has led him to expand his holdings to own six properties throughout the region, producing over 3,000,000 bottles of quality wines each year.

If you sell to supermarkets, describe your ambitions with words like value, approachable, friendly, and unpretentious while alluding to a prestige cuvée even if you only make a couple hundred bottles of it.

example: The wines crafted by the de Tarantantan estates range from highly approachable, unpretentious wines all the way to elegant garage wines, all with a focus on value and delivering high quality to the consumer.

If you’re not big, emphasize how small you are by citing a specific number of cases produced per year.  This will help consumers understand the scale of operations and creates a unique marketing position.  Since you are the only small winemaker on earth.

example: Pierre toils on his two hectares of low-yield grenache all year to make just 94 cases of wine.